Why we Shouldn't be Afraid of Sex.


Proverbs 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Warning: The following post may be offensive to some. You were warned.

Is sex a need? The very question, to modern conservative Christian sensibilities, seems bizarre, shocking, and offensive. Especially to fathers of daughters. Our generation with its multi-bedroom houses,[1] far removed from anything to do with animal breeding,[2] and the like, have managed to work ourselves into a rather in depth gnosticism, where we manage to deny or at least ignore the essential sexuality of so much of life. Our marriage ceremonies nowadays tend to avoid even the old fashioned euphemism of ‘to have and to hold’… let alone the rather crude teasing that accompanied marriage in the past. We send our young couples off on their honeymoon and wish them a ‘nice trip’; imaging in our mind their beautiful visit to the Grand Canyon and the young couple's first family worship time.

Scripture, and history, are offensive to our sensibilities. The verse posted above contains a word that nice Conservative Christians just don’t say… let alone mention in the context of ‘enjoyment’. (Ironically, when I was growing up, during a time when women would nurse openly and men would make crude jokes to a young man about to be married; one would never mention that a woman had ‘breast cancer’. How odd that nowadays we can mention that but not… the other.)


Romans 1:26-27 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Scripture makes no bones about treating sex as a need. I won’t say that it ‘calls’ sex a need, for that would be going beyond the text. But I will say that many passages make the connection obvious, draw the logical link. Take Proverbs 5:18-19, mentioned above. The text is not so crude as to speak of ‘sex’ or to call it a ‘need’. But how hard is it to draw the logical inference Solomon is making? He tells the young man to avoid the strange woman, the adulterous woman. He speaks over and over again of the danger of following her into her pit of destruction.

And then he says, “rejoice with the wife of your youth.” Rejoice sexually, with her breasts satisfying you at all times. Am I reading too much into the passage to read this, in typical wisdom literature fashion, as an anti-dote to the strange woman? To assume that he is saying that the man who is busy rejoicing, sexually, with the wife of his youth will literally not have time (nor inclination) to cast himself upon the adulterous woman?


1 Corinthians 7:2-5 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

And in I Corinthians 7 we read an overt warning. Paul cautions the couple who, for the purposes of prayer and fasting have given over sexual relations, to be sure to make this abstinence a temporary thing, “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” Or, in plain modern language, so that the devil won’t use this temporary bit of spiritual abstention to sexually tempt you.

Why are we so afraid of this? Perhaps it is because sex is such a driving force in our lives. I won’t repeat, here, the various studies and the like which have shown how often, and in what ways, the human body, particularly the male human body, is driven by and about sex.[3] But it is clear that God has created us as sexual beings.

Perhaps it is because sex is not only a driving force, but an incredible possibility for evil. Sexual sin is condemned repeatedly in Scripture. Extremely Godly men have fallen because of sexual sin, sexual temptation, or the whiles of a woman. God uses the metaphor of a woman to represent practically every other temptation that assails a man.

But we need to not forget that God also flips that coin over. Folly is represented as a woman, but so is wisdom. Idolatry is represented as adultery; but the relationship between Christ and the church is metaphored as that of a married man and woman. Husband, father, son… these words all represent not just powerful evil in Scripture, but even more powerful good. After all, they were all created by God.

Sex is a coin. A bright and shining coin. And it has two sides: one representing great temptation, great evil, great destruction. But the other represents great pleasure, great good, and great blessing.

Our society is living in the midst of great destruction due to sexual perversion. But let us remember what God says about those who fall into the sin of Sodomy: that they do so leaving off the ‘natural use of the woman’. God created man and woman, God created their differences, God created their sexuality, as part of His great and mighty plan of dominion. We cannot reject sexuality without rejecting God’s own purposes.

Sex, Godly sexual interaction between married men and women, is a need. It is a need that God has created to be fulfilled. To be fulfilled regularly and with pleasure. To be fulfilled to meet His great purposes; as well as providing us with great blessings.


Son 5:9-16 What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us? My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven. His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Sex is a need. Now may will object to this idea, immediately comparing sex to other needs such as food, air, or water.  "Sex is not a need," they will cry.

But not all needs lead one to die if you don't get them. Let's look at how sex is a need:

First of all, sex is a societal need. A society which ceased sex completely would, before too long, die completely off and even before that lose all of its strength as it aged without reproducing.

Secondly, sex is a spiritual need. Paul says that, because of fornication, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own  husband, and that the man and the woman should not long abstain, sexually

Thirdly sex is a dominion need, at least the results of sex. "Be fruitful and multiply" is a dominion mandate. God has called us to produce, for him, a Godly seed.

And even the world has long recognized that sexual activity is a need; one which, when frustrated, can cause very damaging results.[4] Christ recognized the same thing, stating that the life of a eunuch was not a life for everyone, but only for those given a special gift.

We modern Christians, following after many such strains in the church, have fallen into the bizarre, unScriptural, and illogical concept that sex is an unspeakable subject, confined to subtle metaphor and quiet late night chats between parent and child. We flee away from the overt sexuality of the  Scriptures.

But God does not. While God cloaks sexual activity in metaphor, He does not shy away from it as a basic need, a basic foundation stone for human life and interaction. He metaphors sin as a prostitute. He metaphors Himself as a husband of a prostitute. He metaphors idolatry as adultery, and He metaphors the relationship between God and Israel, and between Christ and the church, as that of a married man and a married woman.

Christians should be the last people on Earth to be afraid of discussing sex. We believe in the God who created it.

Written By: Vaughn Ohlman

Approved By: Jeff Woodward


[1] A common house throughout history, including the American frontier, might consist of one room, about ten to twelve feet in width. A common house at the time of Christ would include an elevated sleeping area for the family, while the animals slept on the 'floor'.

[2] Throughout most of history most children would have been surrounded by animals, who typically are not shy about their breeding activities. Chickens, among the most common of domesticated animals, can be easily seen breeding several times a day.  Other common domesticated animals, such as horses and cows, show their sexuality less often but in a much more graphic way.

[3] The male body is fairly constantly oriented toward sex. Sperm are produced in the testes in huge numbers, at a fairly constant rate from puberty until death.  Sperm are produced at a rate of approximately 200 million per day, or 8.3 million per hour, or 138,000 per minute, or 2,315 per second!  In one week, a fertile man will produce 1.4 billionsperm, in one month, 5.6 billionsperm, and in one year, 6.72 trillion sperm! The average male will have 14-16 erections per day, regardless of his sexual activity or lack thereof.

[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Studies have shown that the eyes of males move first to a woman's chest or hip region before moving to her face.  These studies concerned microscopic and involuntary movements, not 'oogling'.

Scripture, too, places a large emphasis on sexuality. Besides a whole book on the subject, many of the stories, proverbs, and laws concern allowable and disallowed sexual activity.